Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Updates... and more prayers

Another day gone... I am checking them off these days. Yesterday was busy for me though. I had to go to the DR office. After having a bit of trouble with passing out. I had to be seen. They have ruled out a heart attack. But not ruled out a mild stroke. They sent me for a head CT but the blurred vision, jaw pain, confussion, dizziness, numbness, blurred speach at times and red when I blink has them concerned. They mentioned an anurizm(i know i spelled that one wrong) as another possible trouble. I told them I thought it was just stress. After me telling them HOW all of this has happened... they said they did not know how I was still standing. They placed me on blood pressure medicine... antidepressants, and an anxiety medicine. WOW... I came home with a bag of meds.

Today is her brothers turn... He is a mess... He is still crying A LOT!!!!! He gets angry and says he doesnt ever want to allow her to hurt him in this way. He said he trusted her to love him... and to not destroy him... and he wanted to be an uncle... he wanted to be proud of her. He wanted to love her forever. Now he said she has done this ... and the BF has told him what he has. He feels the BF sorta again threatened him with calling the police on him. This has just torn him up... and he tells me that if Meghan can not see this for what it is ... then she must not love us... maybe her love was all a lie too. WOW... 14 and dealing with this much. This has me worried... but Megz BF was so nasty with him... and told him that she DID NOT CARE to talk to him... and how he and all of us had better not attempt to contact or see her in any way or he was calling the police and pressing harassment charges against us. WOW and my daughter chose them as her new family. This is the family that allowed the conception to happen while they were right there with them.

See we have been for a year now... having troubles with my baby girl... the Drs have told me that it was due to the petuitary troubles that she was having. She has been lying so much. and this has been so hard to deal with. When I would call and talk to the drs though they would tell me that it was pretty normal and that as her levels started to correct that I would see her go back to her normal self again. She didnt give herself the time to allow this happen. She has lied about the silliest of things. But a lot of the lies have surrounded BOYS. I have found out she was in a way committing to BOTH boys at the same time... up to a dance that she had. I remember there was a "to do" with the baby daddy about the ex boyfriend and him saying some things about being a rag doll... and being used. I didnt know the full details. I was trying to get her to come clean with all of this so that she could start over with the baby daddy and be on a TRUTHFUL side... if there is to be anything long lasting that is what needs to happen. Or the guilt is going to eat away at their relationship and at her. This just was so upsetting to me! The day she found out she was pregnant she was eating lunch with me and telling me that she was hoping that after graduation that her and the ex boyfriend could get back together. She said he would have to straighten his ways some... but she had HOPES. She told me that she did not see the baby daddy as lasting too long. He was not what she wanted. I was the one that told her to give him a chance...and see where it lead. SHE was the one that told me that she didnt feel for him the way she should. Just hours after finding out she was pregnant... she told me that she LOVED the ex boyfriend from a year or so back... and LIKED the baby daddy... and she has messed up her chances to get back with the boy she really likes. That was Raw... that was truly how she felt. WITHOUT the baby daddy and his family influencing her. This is something I told her she needed to listen to... That she wanted to be with the boy she LOVED not obligated to a guy she got pregnant by. We have a Psycologist appointment set for Megz... to try to confirm if this is truly Petuitary issues or something more. She now will not make this appointment. All of this work to try to get her help and it just slides out of our hands.

ABOUT this relationship... What a huge devastation. EVERY time we see a glimmer of light. She was talking of some slightly positive things...about the baby daddy. We just wanted to chaperone that first couple dates with them... because there were SEVERAL things that Megz needed to tell this boy to come true with what all she had been doing. She had been talking to the OLD boyfriend about dating ... there is a few other things that she needed to come true with him. I was actually concerned that all of that was not fair to him... to think that he had this girl that was so true to him.. and she was at home talking to the old boyfriend about how her and the baby daddy was not going to last long and how she did not thing that he was all that.... and they were just "EXISTING!!" she had no real feelings for him. That is not fair to the baby daddy at all. I was so worried that because he had been so abusive in a previous relationship and his mom had even told us he was just like his abusive dad. I physically saw him raise his hand to the ex girlfriend. I was so worried that when she told him this... he would hurt her. SOOOOOOOOO worried... and that is the ONLY reason that we were going to chaperone for a bit. But we had this glimmer given to us just days before she left that said Maybe this boy is not as bad as we thought... and MAYBE he has changed the abuse, and the satanic beliefs and please allow us the chance to see this... and try to like this boy. We want that. I hade even told my DH that in comparrison... if the edges could be worked out with the baby daddy... he was WAY more marriage material. I will be honest... I do not care much for him because of how he has treated Megz... but even though I think she would battle a lot with him... I do not think he would be a Terrible person to be with. I just think he is constantly going to need to be on his meds... and seeing an actual therapist not just a social worker of sorts. He does though seem to be somewhat soft... and that MIGHT mean he is going to TRY. That is what you want most for someone ... so that it can be 50/50 in the relationship. He seemed to try... he just has a TON of baggage. This is Baggage that he SERIOUSLY Needs to get these things worked out for HIM... Not to BE WITH MEGZ. And Megz has some things she SHOULD get taken care of before she can truly commit to someone. She is showing that she is NOT ready to commit. I enjoy talking to this kid when he is not telling ME what to do... and trying to FORCE that he is always right... and that me being 41 years old doesnt mean a thing. He is not very respectful... I guess his mom didnt teach him to be. Well but he DID warn us of this... He told us SEVERAL times that we would not like him for long... NONE of the other parents have liked him... so we wont either. The trouble with all of this is that NOW... with him starting this cycle all over again... and it escalating... to her moving out in the way that she did... WOW... I just dont know where to go from here... I dont know how this can ever be corrected with him... how we will be able to come up out of this hurt. I want to try... I wanted so bad to like this boy... and wanted him to PROVE us wrong. My husband even knowing that this boy had been severly abusive with the previous girl... even told him ... PROVE US WRONG. Do you know how hard that is to do? How hard it is to even THINK of your precious baby girl being out with a boy that Worships Satan... and has admitted to hitting a girl on a regular basis... has told us that he has 2 other girls that have claimed RAPE on him. That is Unbelievabley hard. In this day and age... so much bad happens... and you try to protect your kids the best you can. So that you are not burrying them. That is one of my biggest fears with all of this. We have seen first hand the temper ... and I am scared cold that she is not going to make it through this. I guess we failed Megz... I guess we should not have been allowed to have kids. I thought that if I could help her thru this...and just ease up with this relationship some... that she would be able to make a better decision about this boy. We needed to see SOMETHING good in him... We want him to come and hang out with us... Before Last week and Megz move out... I even told the girls here at work ... that the silly thing was... I missed him a bit. That being as ODD as it sounds. He is fun to be around when he is behaving... He was a lot of fun when we took him camping. I am wanting to TRY to see something good in this boy. I want to all be able to be happy. I just needed to ease back into this... so that I could get over all the threats and names that were called.

You know I had dreams too... I wanted to get along with the kids spouses... I wanted to plan a wedding for my dd. To help her pick a wedding gown... to help with the special things that goes around this. I wanted to celebrate the fact of handing her over to a good guy that loves her... (not controls her there is a difference) Heck... I was soooooo looking forward to seeing her graduate... and wearing that cap and gown... to helping her get an apartment... and be able to stand on her own. To helping her financially get thru college she wanted to become a NURSE. She would make such an AWESOME NURSE. We wanted to be there for all of this. That is Gone now... We have a car for her... all she has to do is go to college and she gets it. It is a $12,000.00 car. Used but in Great condition. and would have been HERS. ALL she had to do was go to college. Instead she is talking of draining the last little bit... around $700 to get a car that the BF is going to have to work on to get it in shape. WOW... I would have LOVED to have a $12,000.00 car when I was 18 . And not to mention... think of how safe that would be for this baby.
What a wicked few months... what a week. I am so devastated by what she has done... and HOW she has gone about it. And that small and becoming even smaller piece of me is still sorta worried about what this boy will do to her when he wakes up and realizes what all she has been doing with the lies. I hope the best for all of this.... and would love to one day see things work out. You can NOT start a relationship on this many lies, this many threats... and this much drama. A relationship is hard to begin with .
Have a good day all... Thank you for your kind words... and for your prayers.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Still Looking for this

I am looking for this Chart....

I would love to stitch this... But do not want the pretty little pins... I know I have asked this before ... BUT ... IF anyone has this completed and has the chart only that they are willing to sell me ... Please let me know. I would LOVE to stitch this.

No news to tell any of you about my baby girl... Thank you for all your kind emails and notes...
I am just at a loss... Totally at a loss. I didnt thing a persons eyes could cry this much... I didnt thing a person could shake this much... I did not think that any of this would ever happen to me. We have had such a close family. So much closer than most. I know some say God doesnt give you anything he knows you cant handle... but I guess he never said he would never give you something that would kill you! I am still having the panic attacks... I have passed out once... and I have continual headaches. I need to go to the Dr but I can not lose my job. I have already been told that if I was going to be taking more time... I would have to do FMLA because it was not fair to the other workers there. I wanted to be at her first baby dr appointment... I just want so bad to be near her. I feel I am never gonna get 2 have her back again. I just dont even know how to come up out of this. We have devoted 18 years to her... and just over night... she decides that we are not good enough. WOW... that hurts so bad! I guess I have been replaced... she has a new mom... and has picked this one... and I need to just accept that all the many memories were just ... ... ... not good enough! That I was not good enough... That what I THOUGHT we had was all a LIE!!! How??? WHY??? I am sorry ... I am rambling.... My heart is aching so badly tonight! It is hard for me to even breath. I lay in bed and wonder how she is... I walk and cry.... I drive and cry... I shower and cry so hard... I shake from the inside all the time... my heart just shoots pain... my chest is sore... my lungs are sore... my kidneys hurt when I lay down. I am dehydrated... I just feel like I am slowly dying ! I am trying each day to find something good... and it is now where... I just cant breath... I need to breathe.... and can not! This is so wrong... Why would a kid do this to their parents... WHY??? My son is my big concern now... He is NOT doing well at all... He is crying all the time too... and then he tries to be angry at her... and tells us he does not want to even see her... then I catch him sitting in her room... then he goes back to being sad... He is having troubles sleeping... and is sleep walking... He is so very devastated by all of this... My husband just sits... he just sits and then he will cry... and He has been having such health troubles the past few months anyway... I am worried I might lose him too. He is a severe Diabetic... and has a leg that is dying... He has some kidney troubles and some heart troubles because of the diabetis. He has already had one small heart attack years back... I am just scared. He tells me he draws strength just know that I am here for him too... but this is too hard... This is not what we had kids for... this is not what kids should do to you! Please keep us all in your prayers!
Take care... until next time!

Friday, February 11, 2011

My Heart has left my BODY!!!!

Ladies... this post is NOT going to be a GOOD one... I am sorry up front. You have seen my post about what has been going on in my life lately... Well a new chapter came crashing down on me yesterday... I dont know if this Chapter will have an ending for me... I dont know if I will make it thru this one. My doctors office today is concerned with the symptoms that I have been having that I mite have had a mild stroke. I am trying so hard to not lose my job... I am here at work today... but will probably goto the Hospital this evening to be evaluated!!!

My heart has been RIPPED from my chest. I have lost my daughter. We were always so close... like frick and frack... we hung out all the time.
Yesterday ... I get a call from my mom that Meghan text her from an odd number and told her that she wanted her to know that she was moving in with this boy at his parents house. She is wanting to play house. I rushed home... She did not say goodbye to her brother at all. He searched the house ... searched his game area... his comics area... the area in his bedroom by his TV, even in his bathroom. NO NOTE. He just sobbed... and cried.. he is 14 and is a big boy... and to see him this upset just ROCKED MY SOUL!!!!! My son is especially hurt... they have always been so close. He just cant even breathe ... and is crying in hs sleep... I have called his doctors to try to get some help thru this... and I am trying to make it thru work to get to the hospital to get help! The big thing is that this boyfriend is NOT even allowing her to speak to us. Girls... PLEASE ... PLEASE.... PLEASE..... Please..... put me in your prayers. and Meghan too!!! My precious baby girl... Jacob and Megz Senior Dinner dance night...
Mom and Megz Senior Dinner Dance Night

Megz at Macy's Her Nickname is "chicken" so this hat was just PERFECT for her. I should have bought it for her... But I didnt. Now I regret that !
This is the Hardest one...
This is Me and My Precious baby girl... I just can NOT even Breathe... I have loved her with my very SOUL. We share a birthday together ... she was born on my birthday. Last year for our birthday... we went together to Eat and Joes Crabshack. What fun! and YUMMY too. We snapped this in the parking lot after we ate. She had broke up with the BF she loved so much... so we were trying to make the best of the birthday. I guess it was our last together.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

The Sweetheart Tree- A Welcoming Sampler

You girls know that I stitch shop models for Terrie at The Stitch Store
This is one that I sent off over the holidays. I have also stitched Olga and am stitching Boris now from Plum Street samplers

I will try to post pictures of his finish soon too. I am about 1/2 way thru on Boris... and am trying so very hard to allow him to help me WANT to stitch again!

Thank you all ... have a great day and keep crossing those stitches!

400 Followers Give Away

Yo girls have got to go look at this blog... and see this give away. Her blog is awesome to watch!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Long Time... So much going on.

Hello all... I am sorry it has been so long... It has been such a worldwind around here.

I dont even feel as if I have celebrated Christmas. I have not posted yet because the tears are still burning so bad in my eyes. Some days I dont even feel I can see thru all the tears. I still am having so much trouble with stress that I have chest pains, blurred vision, pain radiating down my arm... and a lack of will to do much of anything! I am hopeing that even writing and blogging will start to help me come up out of all of this. So ... Lets get you all caught up.

December 15th My DD (18 years old)and I had planned a "girls day" we planned to have our yearly female dr visit... lunch ... an a movie... some shopping... just to celebrate being a woman and make this day a fun preventative experience each year. At the conclusion of this dr visit, I find out that she is pregnant.

Hold the presses... this is NOT THE BAD PART!!! That is the GOOD part... My precious little girl is going to be a mom and I am so excited about this... I know that Megz is going to make an AWESOME mother. She is such a good person, and is going to make a great mother!

She is pregnant by a guy that she has know for 2 1/2 months(when she found out she was pregnant)... in my opinion he is abusive at BEST... Swooped in on her literally days after she had broken up with the boy that she LOVED with all her heart and wanted to marry. She was so Vulnerable. In our opinion this JERK has mistreated her... told her what to wear what not to wear... who she can hang out with... He is so controlling. He has tried to ruin school dances by not wanting to take her ... and then when we pay for them ... he will complain for days about going. He went to the one dance... and LOOKED like a JOKE!!!! He was in trashy shoes... wrinkly clothes... and he had even told her he had a tie to match her dress and all. It seems as if He just doesnt care what she wants... SHE has busted him in SEVERAL untruths. We are Christians.. and serve the Lord, and we have just recently found out ... he is the opposite in his beliefs and serves something else. I think that He is cmpletely discusting... He is not good looking at all, and is dirty all the time(works in a garage... but can not even as much as change before coming to sit on our furnature).

WOW... I just feel so overwhelmed by all of this. Megz is beside herself with all of this. Her heart wants to like this boy she wants to try to see if there is anything between them... he is the father of the child she is carrying... but at the same time... she sees that all he and his family have done is just rediculous(I have not told you all of the many details) . Some of the names he has called me are so bad... and she is so very upset that he would do this to me. If he is so fast and easy to do this to me... I am concerned about what he will adventually find easy to do and say to her. I am so very hurt but what all he has said. She is angry with him for the things he has done ... She has told him for now because of his differing beliefs... and all this other garbage... She has broken up with him.

She is upset with us and feels that all we say is judging her. That is the furthest thing from my mind... I am so not upset with this baby... but am about the boy that is this precious little baby's father.

The EXTEREMELY sad part to all of this. She has for several weeks now ... been talking to an ex boyfriend and has made the comment that she loves him and likes the babys dad. That says soooo much. I think that she jumped into this relationship... and now it is hitting her hard that they have very little in common where it counts most.

She is so confused and her heart is so broken. We are all so beat and exhausted about everything. Our family has just been through it all so bad. We have not celebrated Christmas even yet. We have given gifts... but not celebrated. I am excited about a baby but fearful of what this baby will mean to Megz. Her health has not been good and I am scared she will have several complications thru the delivery.

Here she is almost a year ago... and look how happy she was... and here were are one year later... and you would not believe the difference in her. It is just astronomical...

Her dad and I had such grand dreams of her meeting and marrying this guy that loved her with all his heart and the grand kids and what this would mean to all of us. I have just been so devastated for her that this is her only chance at a first pregnancy and all of this bad has to be there. I wish I could just make it STOP... but when I try to get her to make a decision about things and put the bad part of this to rest so that we can get on with the celebrating a baby... she gets angry and says she will in her time. She is just so hurt.

She does not realize that it is just a blink of the eye and she will be in labor. She is almost 14 weeks now... so she is almost half way thru this pregnancy. She needs to relax and just focus on her and this precious little one.

Please pray for all of us... for healing ... for the endurance... for the confidence for Megz to stand firm in her beliefs. For good health, for a safe delivery, for a healthy child. Prayer is what we need most through all of this. I am so tired of hanging on by my finger nails... and am so exhausted. In one of my bible studies by Beth Moore... she had suggested visually seeing yourself when you go thru hard times climbing like a child into Gods lap. She would go thru the details of feeling his robes as his arms wrapped around you to hug you and his hands as they wiped away the tears... like a child. We come to HIM. I have tried to visualize this for weeks... I just cant seem to get to this point yet. Please Pray for HIS guidance thru this... and for him to allow my baby girl to climb into his lap and see that all will be fine. PLEASE pray that she will feel this rest and in HIS arms she will be able to see that she will be fine and that he has a plan for this.

Thank you so much for all your emails of support... I will post another day with stitch news! I promise!

Take care!