Saturday, February 12, 2011

Still Looking for this

I am looking for this Chart....

I would love to stitch this... But do not want the pretty little pins... I know I have asked this before ... BUT ... IF anyone has this completed and has the chart only that they are willing to sell me ... Please let me know. I would LOVE to stitch this.

No news to tell any of you about my baby girl... Thank you for all your kind emails and notes...
I am just at a loss... Totally at a loss. I didnt thing a persons eyes could cry this much... I didnt thing a person could shake this much... I did not think that any of this would ever happen to me. We have had such a close family. So much closer than most. I know some say God doesnt give you anything he knows you cant handle... but I guess he never said he would never give you something that would kill you! I am still having the panic attacks... I have passed out once... and I have continual headaches. I need to go to the Dr but I can not lose my job. I have already been told that if I was going to be taking more time... I would have to do FMLA because it was not fair to the other workers there. I wanted to be at her first baby dr appointment... I just want so bad to be near her. I feel I am never gonna get 2 have her back again. I just dont even know how to come up out of this. We have devoted 18 years to her... and just over night... she decides that we are not good enough. WOW... that hurts so bad! I guess I have been replaced... she has a new mom... and has picked this one... and I need to just accept that all the many memories were just ... ... ... not good enough! That I was not good enough... That what I THOUGHT we had was all a LIE!!! How??? WHY??? I am sorry ... I am rambling.... My heart is aching so badly tonight! It is hard for me to even breath. I lay in bed and wonder how she is... I walk and cry.... I drive and cry... I shower and cry so hard... I shake from the inside all the time... my heart just shoots pain... my chest is sore... my lungs are sore... my kidneys hurt when I lay down. I am dehydrated... I just feel like I am slowly dying ! I am trying each day to find something good... and it is now where... I just cant breath... I need to breathe.... and can not! This is so wrong... Why would a kid do this to their parents... WHY??? My son is my big concern now... He is NOT doing well at all... He is crying all the time too... and then he tries to be angry at her... and tells us he does not want to even see her... then I catch him sitting in her room... then he goes back to being sad... He is having troubles sleeping... and is sleep walking... He is so very devastated by all of this... My husband just sits... he just sits and then he will cry... and He has been having such health troubles the past few months anyway... I am worried I might lose him too. He is a severe Diabetic... and has a leg that is dying... He has some kidney troubles and some heart troubles because of the diabetis. He has already had one small heart attack years back... I am just scared. He tells me he draws strength just know that I am here for him too... but this is too hard... This is not what we had kids for... this is not what kids should do to you! Please keep us all in your prayers!
Take care... until next time!