Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Long Time... So much going on.

Hello all... I am sorry it has been so long... It has been such a worldwind around here.

I dont even feel as if I have celebrated Christmas. I have not posted yet because the tears are still burning so bad in my eyes. Some days I dont even feel I can see thru all the tears. I still am having so much trouble with stress that I have chest pains, blurred vision, pain radiating down my arm... and a lack of will to do much of anything! I am hopeing that even writing and blogging will start to help me come up out of all of this. So ... Lets get you all caught up.

December 15th My DD (18 years old)and I had planned a "girls day" we planned to have our yearly female dr visit... lunch ... an a movie... some shopping... just to celebrate being a woman and make this day a fun preventative experience each year. At the conclusion of this dr visit, I find out that she is pregnant.

Hold the presses... this is NOT THE BAD PART!!! That is the GOOD part... My precious little girl is going to be a mom and I am so excited about this... I know that Megz is going to make an AWESOME mother. She is such a good person, and is going to make a great mother!

She is pregnant by a guy that she has know for 2 1/2 months(when she found out she was pregnant)... in my opinion he is abusive at BEST... Swooped in on her literally days after she had broken up with the boy that she LOVED with all her heart and wanted to marry. She was so Vulnerable. In our opinion this JERK has mistreated her... told her what to wear what not to wear... who she can hang out with... He is so controlling. He has tried to ruin school dances by not wanting to take her ... and then when we pay for them ... he will complain for days about going. He went to the one dance... and LOOKED like a JOKE!!!! He was in trashy shoes... wrinkly clothes... and he had even told her he had a tie to match her dress and all. It seems as if He just doesnt care what she wants... SHE has busted him in SEVERAL untruths. We are Christians.. and serve the Lord, and we have just recently found out ... he is the opposite in his beliefs and serves something else. I think that He is cmpletely discusting... He is not good looking at all, and is dirty all the time(works in a garage... but can not even as much as change before coming to sit on our furnature).

WOW... I just feel so overwhelmed by all of this. Megz is beside herself with all of this. Her heart wants to like this boy she wants to try to see if there is anything between them... he is the father of the child she is carrying... but at the same time... she sees that all he and his family have done is just rediculous(I have not told you all of the many details) . Some of the names he has called me are so bad... and she is so very upset that he would do this to me. If he is so fast and easy to do this to me... I am concerned about what he will adventually find easy to do and say to her. I am so very hurt but what all he has said. She is angry with him for the things he has done ... She has told him for now because of his differing beliefs... and all this other garbage... She has broken up with him.

She is upset with us and feels that all we say is judging her. That is the furthest thing from my mind... I am so not upset with this baby... but am about the boy that is this precious little baby's father.

The EXTEREMELY sad part to all of this. She has for several weeks now ... been talking to an ex boyfriend and has made the comment that she loves him and likes the babys dad. That says soooo much. I think that she jumped into this relationship... and now it is hitting her hard that they have very little in common where it counts most.

She is so confused and her heart is so broken. We are all so beat and exhausted about everything. Our family has just been through it all so bad. We have not celebrated Christmas even yet. We have given gifts... but not celebrated. I am excited about a baby but fearful of what this baby will mean to Megz. Her health has not been good and I am scared she will have several complications thru the delivery.

Here she is almost a year ago... and look how happy she was... and here were are one year later... and you would not believe the difference in her. It is just astronomical...

Her dad and I had such grand dreams of her meeting and marrying this guy that loved her with all his heart and the grand kids and what this would mean to all of us. I have just been so devastated for her that this is her only chance at a first pregnancy and all of this bad has to be there. I wish I could just make it STOP... but when I try to get her to make a decision about things and put the bad part of this to rest so that we can get on with the celebrating a baby... she gets angry and says she will in her time. She is just so hurt.

She does not realize that it is just a blink of the eye and she will be in labor. She is almost 14 weeks now... so she is almost half way thru this pregnancy. She needs to relax and just focus on her and this precious little one.

Please pray for all of us... for healing ... for the endurance... for the confidence for Megz to stand firm in her beliefs. For good health, for a safe delivery, for a healthy child. Prayer is what we need most through all of this. I am so tired of hanging on by my finger nails... and am so exhausted. In one of my bible studies by Beth Moore... she had suggested visually seeing yourself when you go thru hard times climbing like a child into Gods lap. She would go thru the details of feeling his robes as his arms wrapped around you to hug you and his hands as they wiped away the tears... like a child. We come to HIM. I have tried to visualize this for weeks... I just cant seem to get to this point yet. Please Pray for HIS guidance thru this... and for him to allow my baby girl to climb into his lap and see that all will be fine. PLEASE pray that she will feel this rest and in HIS arms she will be able to see that she will be fine and that he has a plan for this.

Thank you so much for all your emails of support... I will post another day with stitch news! I promise!

Take care!