Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Updates... and more prayers

Another day gone... I am checking them off these days. Yesterday was busy for me though. I had to go to the DR office. After having a bit of trouble with passing out. I had to be seen. They have ruled out a heart attack. But not ruled out a mild stroke. They sent me for a head CT but the blurred vision, jaw pain, confussion, dizziness, numbness, blurred speach at times and red when I blink has them concerned. They mentioned an anurizm(i know i spelled that one wrong) as another possible trouble. I told them I thought it was just stress. After me telling them HOW all of this has happened... they said they did not know how I was still standing. They placed me on blood pressure medicine... antidepressants, and an anxiety medicine. WOW... I came home with a bag of meds.

Today is her brothers turn... He is a mess... He is still crying A LOT!!!!! He gets angry and says he doesnt ever want to allow her to hurt him in this way. He said he trusted her to love him... and to not destroy him... and he wanted to be an uncle... he wanted to be proud of her. He wanted to love her forever. Now he said she has done this ... and the BF has told him what he has. He feels the BF sorta again threatened him with calling the police on him. This has just torn him up... and he tells me that if Meghan can not see this for what it is ... then she must not love us... maybe her love was all a lie too. WOW... 14 and dealing with this much. This has me worried... but Megz BF was so nasty with him... and told him that she DID NOT CARE to talk to him... and how he and all of us had better not attempt to contact or see her in any way or he was calling the police and pressing harassment charges against us. WOW and my daughter chose them as her new family. This is the family that allowed the conception to happen while they were right there with them.

See we have been for a year now... having troubles with my baby girl... the Drs have told me that it was due to the petuitary troubles that she was having. She has been lying so much. and this has been so hard to deal with. When I would call and talk to the drs though they would tell me that it was pretty normal and that as her levels started to correct that I would see her go back to her normal self again. She didnt give herself the time to allow this happen. She has lied about the silliest of things. But a lot of the lies have surrounded BOYS. I have found out she was in a way committing to BOTH boys at the same time... up to a dance that she had. I remember there was a "to do" with the baby daddy about the ex boyfriend and him saying some things about being a rag doll... and being used. I didnt know the full details. I was trying to get her to come clean with all of this so that she could start over with the baby daddy and be on a TRUTHFUL side... if there is to be anything long lasting that is what needs to happen. Or the guilt is going to eat away at their relationship and at her. This just was so upsetting to me! The day she found out she was pregnant she was eating lunch with me and telling me that she was hoping that after graduation that her and the ex boyfriend could get back together. She said he would have to straighten his ways some... but she had HOPES. She told me that she did not see the baby daddy as lasting too long. He was not what she wanted. I was the one that told her to give him a chance...and see where it lead. SHE was the one that told me that she didnt feel for him the way she should. Just hours after finding out she was pregnant... she told me that she LOVED the ex boyfriend from a year or so back... and LIKED the baby daddy... and she has messed up her chances to get back with the boy she really likes. That was Raw... that was truly how she felt. WITHOUT the baby daddy and his family influencing her. This is something I told her she needed to listen to... That she wanted to be with the boy she LOVED not obligated to a guy she got pregnant by. We have a Psycologist appointment set for Megz... to try to confirm if this is truly Petuitary issues or something more. She now will not make this appointment. All of this work to try to get her help and it just slides out of our hands.

ABOUT this relationship... What a huge devastation. EVERY time we see a glimmer of light. She was talking of some slightly positive things...about the baby daddy. We just wanted to chaperone that first couple dates with them... because there were SEVERAL things that Megz needed to tell this boy to come true with what all she had been doing. She had been talking to the OLD boyfriend about dating ... there is a few other things that she needed to come true with him. I was actually concerned that all of that was not fair to him... to think that he had this girl that was so true to him.. and she was at home talking to the old boyfriend about how her and the baby daddy was not going to last long and how she did not thing that he was all that.... and they were just "EXISTING!!" she had no real feelings for him. That is not fair to the baby daddy at all. I was so worried that because he had been so abusive in a previous relationship and his mom had even told us he was just like his abusive dad. I physically saw him raise his hand to the ex girlfriend. I was so worried that when she told him this... he would hurt her. SOOOOOOOOO worried... and that is the ONLY reason that we were going to chaperone for a bit. But we had this glimmer given to us just days before she left that said Maybe this boy is not as bad as we thought... and MAYBE he has changed the abuse, and the satanic beliefs and please allow us the chance to see this... and try to like this boy. We want that. I hade even told my DH that in comparrison... if the edges could be worked out with the baby daddy... he was WAY more marriage material. I will be honest... I do not care much for him because of how he has treated Megz... but even though I think she would battle a lot with him... I do not think he would be a Terrible person to be with. I just think he is constantly going to need to be on his meds... and seeing an actual therapist not just a social worker of sorts. He does though seem to be somewhat soft... and that MIGHT mean he is going to TRY. That is what you want most for someone ... so that it can be 50/50 in the relationship. He seemed to try... he just has a TON of baggage. This is Baggage that he SERIOUSLY Needs to get these things worked out for HIM... Not to BE WITH MEGZ. And Megz has some things she SHOULD get taken care of before she can truly commit to someone. She is showing that she is NOT ready to commit. I enjoy talking to this kid when he is not telling ME what to do... and trying to FORCE that he is always right... and that me being 41 years old doesnt mean a thing. He is not very respectful... I guess his mom didnt teach him to be. Well but he DID warn us of this... He told us SEVERAL times that we would not like him for long... NONE of the other parents have liked him... so we wont either. The trouble with all of this is that NOW... with him starting this cycle all over again... and it escalating... to her moving out in the way that she did... WOW... I just dont know where to go from here... I dont know how this can ever be corrected with him... how we will be able to come up out of this hurt. I want to try... I wanted so bad to like this boy... and wanted him to PROVE us wrong. My husband even knowing that this boy had been severly abusive with the previous girl... even told him ... PROVE US WRONG. Do you know how hard that is to do? How hard it is to even THINK of your precious baby girl being out with a boy that Worships Satan... and has admitted to hitting a girl on a regular basis... has told us that he has 2 other girls that have claimed RAPE on him. That is Unbelievabley hard. In this day and age... so much bad happens... and you try to protect your kids the best you can. So that you are not burrying them. That is one of my biggest fears with all of this. We have seen first hand the temper ... and I am scared cold that she is not going to make it through this. I guess we failed Megz... I guess we should not have been allowed to have kids. I thought that if I could help her thru this...and just ease up with this relationship some... that she would be able to make a better decision about this boy. We needed to see SOMETHING good in him... We want him to come and hang out with us... Before Last week and Megz move out... I even told the girls here at work ... that the silly thing was... I missed him a bit. That being as ODD as it sounds. He is fun to be around when he is behaving... He was a lot of fun when we took him camping. I am wanting to TRY to see something good in this boy. I want to all be able to be happy. I just needed to ease back into this... so that I could get over all the threats and names that were called.

You know I had dreams too... I wanted to get along with the kids spouses... I wanted to plan a wedding for my dd. To help her pick a wedding gown... to help with the special things that goes around this. I wanted to celebrate the fact of handing her over to a good guy that loves her... (not controls her there is a difference) Heck... I was soooooo looking forward to seeing her graduate... and wearing that cap and gown... to helping her get an apartment... and be able to stand on her own. To helping her financially get thru college she wanted to become a NURSE. She would make such an AWESOME NURSE. We wanted to be there for all of this. That is Gone now... We have a car for her... all she has to do is go to college and she gets it. It is a $12,000.00 car. Used but in Great condition. and would have been HERS. ALL she had to do was go to college. Instead she is talking of draining the last little bit... around $700 to get a car that the BF is going to have to work on to get it in shape. WOW... I would have LOVED to have a $12,000.00 car when I was 18 . And not to mention... think of how safe that would be for this baby.
What a wicked few months... what a week. I am so devastated by what she has done... and HOW she has gone about it. And that small and becoming even smaller piece of me is still sorta worried about what this boy will do to her when he wakes up and realizes what all she has been doing with the lies. I hope the best for all of this.... and would love to one day see things work out. You can NOT start a relationship on this many lies, this many threats... and this much drama. A relationship is hard to begin with .
Have a good day all... Thank you for your kind words... and for your prayers.